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Our last few weeks...and a Dr. appt today.

4/19/2013

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Who are we to you?

4/15/2013

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Well, this question is one I ask myself often.  Although I have a feeling at times of clear connection to those who frequent my Facebook status updates with awe and praise, I realize, when push comes to shove, that I am indeed no more than a zoo attraction.  Those peering into my cage, stating their observations of beauty, strength and whatever adjectives they find suitable for the tiny glimpse they witness.  Emotional projections of how they would feel in my skin and how I must feel.  Because I am easily agitated, passionate, difficult to understand in mere human language, I remain untouched, gawked at and slightly frightened by the passive curiosity those on the outside display.  Some attempt to imitate my behaviours, or join my coping ventures, only to find, they still view me as separate.  I too view them as such, but mainly due to the walls of this cage we are entrapped in.  Although I am rare and perhaps endangered, actions like these seem to not stir action but surprisingly a more complacent acceptance.  'What is being accepted?' you may ask.  My answer is this:  The clear glimpse you imagine you have into my life, which has many forms throughout the day, the week and the lifespan, is only that: a glimpse.  To watch us in a bubble and name us brave, happy or even alive is like basing an entire religion off of one moment...   
Our wildness has been taken, by those who seek control, money or enlightenment thru walls, boxes and rules.  And yet we are seen as some anomaly, or genetic fluke.  My life is a direct product of the level of acceptance embraced for comfort's sake.  And if you view us as even slightly uncomfortable to watch, there lies the core of the issue.  Here we drape, over tree branches, listless, helpless yet still determined to meet your awe-stricken eye gaze with a tear in ours saying, "Why are you just standing there?  Let us out!"

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Seals in The Hood

4/3/2013

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AKA Solstice ~poem by zen jen and a favorite intention sung by Bing and David

12/21/2012

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A.K.A. Solstice

Darkness bares no ill will upon the dawn

In parnership they greet

Meeting in corners

Between dimensions

On unspoken words

And intentions

The shape of dreams are outlined in shadow

Forsaken sabotage croons

Love songs to the future

Which holds awakening

Awareness and awkward growth

We reluctantly witness with contempt

Laughter eventually catches up to the shadows that loath it

And balance breaks barriers

Once believed 
to be bars of a prison

Where shadows fall and can’t get up

Risen like the son’s daughters

Sunshine shifts

On catatonic craters that blind souls with fury

False hope is diminished

Under rays that pay

Nothing and no one

to awaken

Here comes the sun

Doot ‘n do do.

12/20/12 ~ me


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Winter Olyland w/some Guru V Peeps

11/10/2012

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How we Fall

11/7/2012

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A Guru V kind of love

11/4/2012

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Guru V Minute w/zen jen - BONUS Fountain Bliss!!!  Hippietrips lead to me.

8/10/2012

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Gurus get it...me? I am still developing my Guru V Powers...and loving their teaching.

7/11/2012

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Hello and Happy Wednesday! Welcome to all the new Guru V People! 
Some lessons from my Gurus (my kids) that I have learned from them and their tremendous energy:
1. Go Big! Be Loud! Feel Everything and then...
2. Forgive easily. Move on. Stay in the moment. Don't dwell on the last moment or...
3. You may miss all the LOVE, BEAUTY and Dare to be Great moments in front of you.
4. Never accept someone else's idea of what is best for you and never impose your idea of what you think is best for someone else...even if you think you have more capacity to...
5. Life is a gift, given to the person living it. Everyone is your teacher during this gift...Pay attention and LOVE.

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Changing the Chi of the season

12/23/2010

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    Yesterday I began to move furniture in my home...AGAIN.  This seems to renew my energy, the energy of a room and it is something I truly enjoy.  Spacial arrangements.  Must be why I have loved choreographing dance routines for so long...another form of spacial manipulation to create energy.  In fact, thinking back, the comments my creations on the performance floor always received were about ENERGY!!  'Great Energy!' A Spacial Scientist, proof positive that Justin and Brianna are mine.  Both are only at ease when space, energy and chi are just so. 

As a child, Jus resisted my furniture rearranging...he would yell and push the couch back to where it had been...to the last millimeter.  I literally was forced to do any of my feng shui shuffling while he was asleep.  Amazingly enough, he had no issue with waking  up to a new room layout, but to witness it seriously upset him. 

I remember him going so far as to rearrange my legs, arms and body...to control how I, a friend or caregiver, was sitting.  He would diligently insist and assertively take my foot and place it(sometimes at an awkward or uncomfortable angle) and throw me a look that said, "DO NOT MOVE THIS."  He definitely has always been ultra aware of space and energy.  Sizing up rooms over and over again from every angle.  Sometimes he would bump an item laying on the floor and return to it immediately, and continue to adjust it over and over in tiny little incremental touches until it was EXACTLY where it was prior to his encounter with it.  This from a child who was UNAWARE of his surroundings according to his diagnosis and the observations of society. 

Having two children living the adventures of autism has made me ultra aware of spaces.  I know they ARE paying attention.  I must scan a room upon entering for placement, exits, artwork, string, people both dangerous and careless, foods not on our list, electronics (for sound assessment), liquids (j loves to pour out all liquids), unattended faucets, etc. etc. because I know my acutely aware children are doing the same...and the list constantly changes and NOTHING is a guarantee.  If there is a jelly bean between a chair and a wall, under a table over twenty feet away in a dimly lit coffee shop...Jus will see it and run toward it with vigor, swiftly shove it into his mouth and smile with triumph before anyone in the room could blink twice. The trick is to prevent as many surprises as possible.  This is a challenge when visiting new places, homes or even when hiking...sometimes the parental scan is too slow and these are moments that catch everyone off guard and sometimes end in a chaotic shuffle.  Which brings me to a HOLIDAY TANGENT:

*People not living this dream should offer help, take direction verbatim from the parent, if, in fact the parent in that moment has the ability to engage with you at all. 

*When hosting families with such challenges, be ultra attentive to parents' pleas to rid the environment of all 'at risk' distractions, foods or appliances. 

*Do not assume anything, but ask the parent in advance what easy precautions, such as locking doors, replacing liquid soaps, and not serving Doritos, could be made to ensure they get to let their guard down for a moment and enjoy the social setting. 

*Let other guests know in advance that you are hosting a family with such challenges so that they can be aware and less judgemental in the event of a "surprise." 

*And parents living the autism adventure, try not to apologize or explain during your frenzies.  Compassionate people will love you and your family when given the chance...you are not able to control many of these surprises and that is OKAY! 

Bottom line...compassion, sense of humor and lack of attachment to how you prefer things to be is a must.

...Now, back to the story... 
There is much to be learned from out gurus and their ultra awareness.
In fact, as a baby, Brianna would sob and stare at a family friend.  He would be so uncomfortable that he would be forced to leave.  This continued any time we would socialize with this family, and in particular, this man.  Later, as my friend's husband's character was revealed, he was shown to be a real danger to us all and himself.  Luckily there was never a moment where my children were in this person's presence, and of course there never would be due to her reaction to his dark energy.  Her communication was clear...and his discomfort with her response when he was in the room was very telling.  Amazing.  She was paying attention while the rest of us remained unaware of this grave energy he was releasing.  She could see through to the person he was, rather than the one he presented...this from a happy little baby!

Typically Bri is the ray of sunshine in every room.  She bursts in with her detailed account of whatever exciting observation she has made and lifts everyone's spirits with her extreme ethusiasm for whatever life brings her. 

Justin's energy awareness extended to people and the energy they emitted from deep within their public personae as well.  As a small boy, jus would wander and babble and seem only interested in objects.  On rare occasions he would pick out random people, insist they pick him up and he would coo, hold their faces and insist on eye contact...as I apologized profusely because many of his choices were people I only knew indirectly and he was extremely insistant.  When they would comply, he seemed to have a healing affect on them.  Many of his 'chosen therapy patients' would reply with, "No.  It's alright.  He's okay," and proceed to let Jus heal their inner wounds.  Later, I would run into them and they would rave how Jus had completely altered one of the worst days they had ever had, and how they would never forget him.  One person had just lost their job, another had lashed out at their own children just moments before and felt like the worst mother, and many other stories of negative energy, healed by my son's sensitivity exist.

This story could extend in so many different directions.  The spark began with the moving of energy, chi.  We are all made up of energy and have a preferred feng shui that we believe we operate best in.  BTW...Jus now enjoys and participates in my chi moving excursions... energy is constantly changing. 
My gurus remain my models for the ideal use of energy.   We rearrange their chi to fit this world, but would we be wiser to rearrange our societal Feng Shui, or rules, to exist as my gurus do?  Constantly awake, aware of energy,  curious and acutely invested in the moment.  Perhaps the lack of attachment to social norms and possessions is a gift...the gift that this season was based upon. 





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    Zen Jen

    A mom with passion, action  and an inclusion revolution on her mind shares moments, mantras & wisdom gained from her autism adventures. A single mama of two children on the spectrum, whom she considers 
    her gurus.

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    Please know that I am a poet and a scientist...so how I deal with discomfort is I ask questions, I manipulate words and rhythms and I dance around issues that I feel strongly about. When I use the word dance, please know that I am no ballerina...I prefer sharp, awkward maneuvers that express my passion. So when I dance around issues, there is no guessing how I feel about them...take nothing personal but please 
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